Happy Birthday Dad

I lost my dad tragically to alcoholism when I was 26 and he was 55. Alcoholism devastated the last few years of his life and severed our relationship. I was devastated and ashamed by the way he died and how he lived his life in his final years. I was young and naïve and I didn’t know how to help him. I deeply regret that we weren't able to have a relationship in his final years.

I stuffed the pain of his passing for years – 13 in fact. To aid in my healing, a wise healer/therapist (thank you Sadee) encouraged me to ask friends and family to recall fond memories of my dad.

Indeed there were MANY from my childhood. He was an amazingly kind, giving, hardworking, caring dad. He supported everything my sister and I did. I have especially fond memories of soccer games and practices and attending sporting events with him. But I had stuffed those memories, buried them in fact.

The work continues – and I know it will be a lifelong journey for me. I’m learning a lot about how our stories shape our lives through an online workshop I’m taking with vulnerability guru Brené Brown and truth- teller Glennon Doyle Miller. The course is called The Wisdom of Story and is about how to harness the power of story so we can own our experiences, be brave, and rise strong.

 

"Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the

bravest thing that we will ever do."

- Brené Brown

I’m feeling brave and vulnerable, and I’m learning that “owning” my story and sharing it I will help me continue to heal, and hopefully help reduce some stigmas about the challenges we all face in this beautiful thing we call life and being human!

Today on what would have been my dad’s 74th birthday, I’m honoring him by sharing a few of the memories people shared with me.

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“Your Dad always being there, participating and contributing to your lives. He seemed to care about me more than just a kid next door. He was always kind. He was level headed around me. I have all positive memories of your Dad when growing up. I always felt welcome at your house. After thinking about all those memories, it really paints a picture that your parents worked hard to raise you and Jill in a healthy and supportive environment.” – Scott, childhood/lifelong friend

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“What I remember most about Roger was that he was so kind, and would do anything for you.  I also remember him cheering us on at soccer games, and camping with us at Indian Princesses.” – Amee, childhood/lifelong friend

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“Roger, the first thing that comes to mind is his laugh. He had a great laugh and he laughed a lot, especially when he was teasing you. I think you have him to be thankful for when it comes to that "tom boy" side that few know about. What I mean by that is that you are an athlete that strives to succeed. Roger got a kick out of sports and getting you girls to be tough on the field. Your dad loved you girls more than anything in the world, literally. Your dad was on your team in every sense of the word.” – Lara, childhood/lifelong friend

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“Good sport – didn’t get upset easily, could laugh at himself. Easy going. Nice to be around. Liked practical jokes (not to hurt others, just for fun). Your dad was very supportive of your activities. He enjoyed taking family trips. He wanted the best for his family. He always listened to football on the radio in the car.  In my mind, I can see your whole family driving in the blue Bug with the top down, smiling, and your dad wearing a plaid shirt!” – Marli, childhood/lifelong friend

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“Our memories of your dad go back to times when he and Darlene were dating in college.  From the very first time we met, his smile and gentle manner were obvious. That carried throughout the years we spent time together. He was a person full of love for family, for special holidays and for enjoying life. He was a fun guy who had pride in his family and was attentive to his family's needs.” – Uncle Dick and Auntie Janet

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“What I loved about Dad: He was such an unselfish person. Coming home from work with jokes to share. His genuine laughter. Long drives in the car and dates to the farmers market. Watching baseball at the park. Being tickled on the floor. His smile. He was so smart, I could ask him anything and he would know the answer. He sang in the church choir. He was a good friend. His homemade pizza. His unconditional love.” – Jill, sister

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This is one of my favorite memories of my dad on a family vacation on Maui. He took me to dinner at one of the fancy hotels on the island. Boy, were we tan! One of his favorite quotes was: “You have to burn to tan!”

 

My sister told me she is honoring our dad today by making polish sausage and sauerkraut for dinner – one of his favorite meals. That’s a sweet memory too!

Cheers dad! I love you and miss you every day.